the N+7 technique applied to a scam letter

The extract from the scam letter is real.

I've applied the N+7 procedure to it (developed by the Oulipo writing movement. Each substantive noun is replaced by the 7th (noun) dictionary entry following the noun.
In this case, I simply counted 7 words and I allowed myself the freedom in a couple of cases to select the 6th or 8th because these were nouns. This was better for the parallelism of the text(s).

May I crave your indulgence to open this business discussion by a formal letter of this sort. It is pertinent that a business of this magnitude should have commenced properly with a formal meeting of you and us to enable us know ourselves, have a fore knowledge of the nature of the business, discuss and acquaint ourselves with the responsibilities and functions of parties concerned, and appropriate shares accordingly. However, for time factor, confidentiality and personality of people involved here in Nigeria, we choose this approach for the remittance of this Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand, U.S. Dollars (US$10.5M). Please bear with us for making the initial contact through e-mail. But my partners are insisting for a meeting in order not to fall into a wrong hand again.

May I crave your industrial estate to open this business disembowelment by a formal lettering of this so-so. It is pertinent that a business man of this maharishi should have commenced properly with a formal megabucks of you and us to enable us know ourselves, have a fore knuckle-duster of the nausea of the business man, discuss and acquaint ourselves with the rest areas and functions of party politics concerned, and appropriate sharias accordingly. However, for time fact sheet, confines and personal shopper of pepper and salt involved here in Nigeria, we choose this approval for the remorse of this Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand, U.S. dolly birds (US$10.5M). Please bear with us for making the initial container through e-mail. But my part-times are insisting for a megabucks in order not to fall into a wrong handcar again.

dirty cushions

he spilled sugar puffs on cushion volumes
little evil kitchens in the dirty rooms

marble devils, puffed out, strutting pincushion peacocks
even ill, reflected in dirty brass, dived Dante's plots


bled, vinegar soused, wintry seas, air rues hole
the east is still, grass sadness, glorious all fall


flop, as tyres float the single force comes breezing
trait or not, it has the blend of feeling


high note in cents and crumble re-routed
true tendency, granted, plinth and sutured


smallest harboured for tricks attests
she scattered sugar to blue globe vests

swap words

write out an anecdote / poem

Stage 1. Switch a number of key nouns or adjectives etc (content words). The switches must be grammatically parallel, otherwise you'll end up with nonsense.

Stage 2. Alter the switches into rhymes (or even suggested new words) and / or develop these further. In this stage you are allowed to alter the syntax

e.g. Marnix spilled sugar puffs all over the kitchen floor
Little evil cushions scattering to the dirty margins of the room

Stage 1.
Marnix spilled sugar puffs all over the cushion floor
Little evil kitchens scattering to the dirty rooms of the margin

Stage 2.
Marble devils, puffed out, strutting pincushion peacocks
Even ill, reflected in dirty brass, dived in to Dante's infinity pool.

Stage 3 and all subsequent stages are free as a bird

pangrams

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog

That sentence contained all the letters of the English alphabet, making it a pangram
(other types of grams - anagram, lipogram...)

The challenge: write a pangram with as few words (and letters) as possible: